Archive for the Communication Category

Winning an Argument

Posted in Communication, Management, Strategies on August 6, 2015 by MD OBSERVER

Before everything, sorry for my long absence. I’m sure you understand that managing several international projects, reviewing new phases of I.M.M., and on top of those having a few books in the pipeline are time consuming. But I promise, I will continue writing ‘MD Observer’ more regularly.
Well, not very far from the topic of my new book, ‘Hidden’, which you can read more about it at the end of this post, I have decided to allocate this post to ‘How strategically win an argument’.

In this post, I will briefly introduce you the Weapon, Technique, Tactic and Strategies for winning an Argument.

Remember, those who can make you angry, are in control. By staying focus and having self-control you can add up to your chances to gain more during a heated argument.
Do your best not to lose your temper. Losing your temper will eventually turn your conversation into screaming, a total waste of time with no proper and constructive communication.
Some people might intentionally say things to get under your skin. This is to disarm you, and make you vulnerable. Remember, you don’t have to respond to every sentence you hear.

The truth can really hurt. Base your argument on ‘Facts’, NOT on ‘Emotions’. The worst action that one might take during an argument is making it a conversation based on feelings.
Although time to time showing controlled emotion is important, but certainly it is not the ideal technique to succeed in an argument.
Think like an Attorney presenting a case in a court. Would you agree with an Attorney at law, who does not have any facts to present?

Remember, the core purpose of an argument is to ‘Prove’ a point tactfully. If instead of proving your point, you go side-ways, you might end up in a weak position. Know your audience, do your homework, be prepared, review every angle of your argument back and forth and know it by heart. The best tactic is to stay focus on ‘proving the point’, but gently and with utmost respect.

Have you considered why often people yell during arguments? Well, they want you to listen to them. So, to gain a more favorable outcome, be an active listener and give your undivided attention to their argument. In this manner, most likely you will be in control.
Also, paint a picture for them: describe your facts clearly so that they can visualize your argument and connect with it. Those who can visualize factual information, most likely will give you less pain. You will save a lot of energy if your argument is well-painted.

As mentioned above, I am happy that my new book is published. This book is a series of scientific articles on secret techniques and tactics of Japanese-Okinawan Martial Arts. Those of you with interest in Martial Arts and Martial Strategies will most probably enjoy reading that and I am sure can apply the insights into your business practice and/or life.

Hidden Book Cover - Mosi Dorbayani

You can find out more about the book by clicking on HERE

Office Politics

Posted in Communication, Organisational Culture, Strategies on April 11, 2013 by MD OBSERVER

Recently I had a nice chat with a couple of newly appointed managers at Royal Bank of Canada on ‘Office Politics’ and that gave me the idea for this issue.

Before everything what is “Office Politics”? Well, every Executive Coach / Consultant might define it differently, but in my view Office Politics can be interpreted as Careful strategies that staff implement in order to gain advantage in their office!  Such strategies might be justified for personal gains or for a cause they believe in. Yes, it has negative connotation and it is often dubbed as taking advantage at the expenses of others and it certainly affects the workplace, environment and relations.

Is there such a thing as “good” Office Politics? Affirmative. Good Office Politics help you to gain promotion, gather support and get your cause realized. Good Office Politics can be called ‘networking’ and ‘managing influences’. Since such office strategy  is generally considered a negative play, staff tend to avoid it; however,  to secure success for projects, eventually one would need to find the safest way to navigate through this highly sensitive aspect of career.

If you reject Office Politics and constantly deny it, you may badly suffer, simply because others take unfair advantage of it, and if you do not learn how to practice “good” Office Politics, you might miss opportunities. So, here there are certain highlights that you should remember, learn and practice:

A) Office Politics are inevitable and can be found in any organisation regardless their size or form, private or governmental, profit or nonprofit.

B) Gaining profit, Promotion, Superiority create competition; therefore, where there is a competition, there is a need for Office Politics.

C) Resources and opportunities are not endless and often staff experience conflict in attaining and maintaining resources and their competitiveness.

Now in order to have Office Politics work for you, you need to :

1. Be a good observer and gather information to build up a proper network for yourself;

2. Study the organisational chart carefully and analyze it in practice.  In the chart of hierarchy, the person who is on the top  may not be the most influential one;

3. Pinpoint those who are truly influential, who have authority but not applying it, who are coaching and mentoring others,  and who are the brain and strategists of your organisation;

4. Understand who gets along with who, who is suffering from conflict, who is hard to please and who is easy to get on;

5. Know what fundamental factors make interrelations work or not work, what influence relations and friendship;

6. Know what the manipulative factors are, and what people see as ‘respect’.

Once you accepted A, B, C and studied 1 to 6 above, it is time to develop yourself in  Good Office Politics:

  • True powerful people are not necessarily those with highest income, who are on the top of your organisational hierarchy  with fancy titles. Do not be reluctant nor afraid of approaching those you have learnt are powerful. Approach them, get to know them better, try to be associated with them.
  • Make sure your relations and strategies do not cross over your formal line of hierarchy and that they do not shortcut your immediate supervisor, other executives or even peers.
  • Form your relations based on trust and not based on kissing up to others. And don’t forget, “Trust is givable”. 
  • Be part of several networks such as other departments, affiliated companies, suppliers and providers. This shall give you a greater and wider vision on your organisation, its system and / or its market place.
  • Avoid making or extending gossips. Be a good listener, but do not take an active role in gossips! 

Never forget: “first we try, then we trust”. Unless you do not try and trust, nobody will do that for you. Gaining others’ trust and your projection of genuine good intentions are the key elements in playing  “Good” Office Politics.



Posted in Communication on July 11, 2012 by MD OBSERVER

“Why some people can’t say NO?!”

Perhaps this issue could be looked at from three aspects (among others):

1- Time:

According to North Carolina Researchers, “People are more likely to expect a future surplus of time than they are to expect a future surplus of money.” If you’re like most people, you say ‘yes’ to do more things than you could possibly have time for, your appointment book is full but when it comes to actually showing up, you discover you’re too busy to do everything you’ve promised. You overcommit because you expect to have more time in the future than you do in the present. But then tomorrow becomes today and… yesterday’s “yes” becomes today’s “damn!” And you find yourself making excuses.

Here’s the interesting part. Researchers Gal Zauberman, Ph.D., and John Lynch, Jr., found we are more prone to mistakenly expect a future surplus of time than we are to expect a future surplus of money. We seem to be much more accurate in our money forecasting”

The future is always ideal: The fridge is stocked, the weather clear, the train runs on schedule and meetings end on time. Today, well, stuff happens. That’s because every day’s a little different, say the researchers. The nature of time fools us and we “forget” about how things fill our days.” 1

2- Reward:

Some researchers believe that the function of “Reward Center” of the brain or ‘nucleus accumbens’ is actually responsible for some people find it simply impossible to resist. In their stimulus study on food and sex, Bill Kelley, associate professor of Dartmouth’s department of psychological and brain sciences, says the study demonstrated that the stronger the response to a stimulus, the less able the subject is to say ‘no’.2 So perhaps this breakthrough may assist us to consider that there might be a sort of mental satisfaction from accepting more than what we could chew!

 3- Approval:

Let’s accept this fact. Often when we make a commitment, it is not for improving opportunities or building up long lasting relations, they are for momentary approval from those who surround us or those we wish to keep satisfied. At workplaces this often happens to show flexibility and to some extent to prove our capabilities, even though we know that we don’t have time for it.

Many staff say ‘Yes’ because they don’t want to let down their boss and look incompetent or incapable. Saying that you don’t have time to do a task might make you look uncooperative but it doesn’t help anybody if you say ‘Yes’ while knowing you can’t complete the task.  It would just create a mess.

This can apply in our private lives too. Saying ‘No’ might cast you as ‘cold’, ‘mean’ and ‘less understanding’, but bear in mind that sometimes saying ‘Yes’ without a real well-calculated commitment, would just create ‘crisis’ and might take your peaceful life away!

If at work, learn how to tactfully and diplomatically say No.

–   Thank your boss for the opportunity (Because at least there is a learning opportunity in everything a company does);

–    Ask for time to see how you can manage the task;

–    Once you are sure you can’t make it, politely remind your boss on your other projects at hand and ask if the new task is more urgent than the on-going ones;

–    Ask if the new task can be shared with your peers (share the credit and raise the spirit of teamwork);

–    Be honest and if you can’t undertake the task, say it.

In private life, if people around you are inconsiderate and can’t appreciate your excuse and still push you to commit against your will and interest, learn even not to explain yourself for saying ‘No’, because in my view, ‘NO, IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE!’


1-      Hara Estroff Marano – Published on March 16, 2005,

2-      Daniel Miller – Mail Online 24 April 2012